Past lives REMAKE
by Vindictus
Summary: Because the original sucked badly, I'm remaking it. anyway... Want to see who team seven were in there past lives? Take a look here!
1. Chapter 1

No, don't own Naruto, Disgaea, Mortal Kombat, or Mars Invades. Be funny if I did though.

xXx

Past lives remake

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Kakashi chuckled quietly as his students agreed to his master plan. Tired of training them conventionally, he had created a jutsu that should send them into a hypnotic trance, where they could meet and merge with whoever their past lives had been. Pushing down thoughts of how this whole thing might turn into a fiasco, Kakashi threaded his hands through symbols quicker then untrained eyes could follow. A few moments later, he locked eyes with each of his students one by one and declared "Relive." as they slumped over. Fortunately, Kakashi had used some forthought coming up with his plan, and his students had been sitting in Sasuke's oversized living room.

As Kakashi walked out, he made a note about how easy it was to make Sasuke do what he wanted- All he had to say was 'It'll make you more powerful' and Sasuke was jumping to help him convince his teammates, as Kakashi had told him he would only use the technique once they had all agreed to it. Naturally, that got Sakura in within moments. Suprisingly, however, Naruto didn't seem to be to thrilled with the idea. He agreed after Kakashi promised to teach him a new technique afterwords, though... On that note, Kakashi had to find something he could teach Naruto quickly. He had horrible chakra control, so it would have to be something that didn't need much... Maybe a fire jutsu? They only got hotter and larger with more chakra poured into them, so that would probably work. And he'd have to teach Sasuke something too, so he wouldn't get jealous of Naruto. Hmmm... He'd noticed Sasuke eyeing Naruto's kage bunshin. That aught to work.

Kakashi headed towards the bookstore, happy that his master plan was going well. Now he'd have even more time to read his precious Icha-chan... Mwahahaha...

XXX

A.N-

Yes, I'm redoing this. If you want to know why, it's because I read the original over recently. After nearly gagging at the sheer crappyness of it, I decided to redo it and make it better. Because frankly, the original idea, though somewhat ok for a parody, was ridiculous. And yeah, Danzo and the Fire breathing parakeets are going to be relegated to the hell of a thousand wood-chippers.


	2. Chapter 2

xXx

Past Lives

Remake

XXX

Naruto looked around. This was his mind? It was... Dark. It looked like a crypt that was halfway submerged in a lake of... What was this shit? It was a thick, clotted nearly black substance that smelled like rotten fish. Shrugging his disgust off, he waded through it and deeper into his mind.

As he walked through a gigantic set of doors, an absolutly monstrous form loomed from behind black bars. Peering in, he jerked back from the bars as he realized it was a giant fox. Then it must be... "Kyuubi?"

The fox seemed to be sleeping. Walking slowly between the bars, ignoring the little voice in his head saying, 'Oh shit you aren't doing this are you? Are you nuts? Get out while you can!'

Walking closer, Naruto gagged. The stink was even worse now. It seemed to be coming from... Kyuubi? The voice forgotten completely, he ran up towards the giant figure, slowing to a halt when he could see it clearly. Kyuubi's head was nearly severed, and the thick, smelly black substance was oozing out of the gaping wound. It took a few moments for this to run through his head, and remarkably less for him to fall to his knees, retching. He had walked all the way here through rotting, filthy, congealed blood. Naruto almost didn't notice as a voice began chuckling behind him.

"Is my reincarnation really so weak? I'm embarrased. Get the hell up!"

Getting up, Naruto turned around to face his previous self... Only to nearly faceplant when he came face to face with a little blue-haired kid. "What the hell? YOU did this?"

The kid bristled. "The ass didn't show me any respect! What the hell do you expect, for me to just take the overgrown fleabag's lip? Besides, don't tell me you're sorry that it's dead- It caused all the problems in your life!"

Naruto pouted. "Well, no, not really... But still, you didn't have to kill it!"

The kid broke into a peal of high pitched, annoying laughter. "Of course I did! It didn't respect me, or even seem to recognise me as the great Overlord, Laharl!"

Naruto twitched. That laugh was really, really annoying. "Overlord? You look like a ten year old kid." Naruto realized how bad of an idea that was when he felt a cold blade pressing against his throat. Trying to ignore the sudden sweat that broke over his skin, Naruto gulped.

"I'd kill you for that insult, if you weren't me." The sword suddenly dissapeared, and Naruto fell over with a stinging pain in his cheek where a hit impacted fractions of a moment afterwords. As he struggled to get up, Laharl put his foot on his head, pressing it down.

"Realize this," Laharl hissed. "I'm only doing this because otherwise, I'd go back into that little room where I've been sitting during our last fifteen or so incarnations. Otherwise, I wouldn't even consider merging with an annoying little brat like you." Naruto had to stifle his indignation at that. "But as I said, I don't have a choice. So relax."

Naruto was about to ask what the hell he was talking about, but was silenced as Laharl began sinking into him. Screaming, Naruto started to thrash before Laharl knocked him unconcious.

Moments later, in the real world, Naruto sat up and looked around. Chuckling menacingly, he smiled.

"Now, very soon I'll have my revenge..." His smile spread into an evil grin. "Etna, when I'm through with you you won't ever betray me again. Maybe I'll even keep you on as a prinny... Heh."

Getting up, he grimaced at his outfit. A jumpsuit? What had he been thinking? Shorts were way better. He'd have to get some later. A new cape, too.

XXX

Sakura looked around. This was... This was inside her old doll house. But that was destroyed, broken and burned years ago. Walking out of the tastelessly pink room, she grimaced at the cheerful, egg blue and creamy beige-orange wallpaper lining the halls.

Going into where she remembered the kitchen should be, she blinked as a cold wind passed her. Shrugging it off, she walked to the fridge and opened it up. Taking a bottle of strawberry milk out, she opened it and gulped some down.

"Oh, elder gods, I know I was a fool in my life, but what did I do to deserve this?"

Snapping around, Sakura hurled the open carton of milk at the intruder, who grabbed it easily. Looking at it resignedly, the old man sighed. "Couldn't it at least be Sake? I need some."

As Sakura blushed and stuttered at her nearly beaning an innocent old man with a gallon of milk, the 'Innocent old man' took a swig from the jug. "Mmm... Strawberrys." Looking around, the old man shook his head. "Somehow, I'm not suprised."

Sakura shook her head. "Wha... Who are you?"

"Me?" The old man sighed, sat down at the table. "There are several answers to that, I'm afraid. Among them are the biggest dupe in the universe, the best martial artist in the realms, Shujinko, and You. Or one of your previous incarnations, at least." Ignoring Sakura's dumbstruck face, he took another swig of milk. "Meh... You sure you don't have any Sake in here?"

Sakura passed out. Looking at her, Shujinko sighed. "Well, I'd better get to it..." Walking over to the girl, he knelt down beside her.

"Don't worry, me. This won't hurt a bit."

A short while later, Sakura stood up and groaned, stretching back and forth. Looking around, she looked over at Sasuke. She considered going over to wake him up, but decided he would be better off on his own. Naruto was gone, and she smelled ramen in the kitchen. Stomach growling, she wandered off towards it, wondering if Kakashi-sensei had any Sake she could... Liberate.

XXX

Sasuke looked around. It was the Uchiha compound. However, it looked like it had _that day._ Walking further in, he saw a rotting carcass. It stank like a sewer main that had been left open in the summer heat, and didn't look much better. Trying to ignore its staring, maggot ridden eyes, he walked further into the compound. Passing by more and more corpses, all in the places where they had been _then_, but rotted to the point where they were unrecognisable.

By the time he reached the head house, he was shaking. After that day, he hadn't ever been back here. Opening the door, he walked into where he knew they were. As he saw them, he fell down on his knees. Looking into bloated, staring eyes, he reached out and touched his mothers face. Moments later, he collapsed onto her, hugging her and sobbing, ignoring the rotten flesh smearing across his shirt and hands, his arms and his face.

A voice with a heavy southern accent echoed from behind him."Urgh... Great, Ahm some emo corpse-hugging jappie weirdo in this life. Fuck."

Sasuke snapped around. Behind him was a chubby guy wearing sloppy military fatigues. Glaring at him, Sasuke growled. "Eat shit and die. Leave me and my parents ALONE!"

The chubby guy looked disgusted. "Th' way I understand it, we ARE alone, ya brat. Now shut up 'fore I decide ta blow yer brains out." Walking up, the chubby man looked around, looking nervous. "Might as well git it over with..." To Sasuke's shock, the fat dude hugged him. "Tell anyone 'bout this, an I'll kill you."

Sasuke screamed as the fat man melted, and the goop he turned into snaked up, shoving itself through his nose... His mouth... His ears...

Moments later, Sasuke sat up. "Oh, dang... I can't believe I died like that. I can't tell anyone about this, or I'll get laughed out of Konoha. At least he.. I? Know how to make a gun. That'll make this whole fuck-up SO much easier."

Stretching out, he looked around. His teammates weren't there. Idly wondering what they'd been in their past lives, he meandered towards the kitchen. He was hungry.

XXX

A.N-

I was bored, so I made another chappie.


End file.
